Sunday, May 3, 2009


Some days are great and others just seem to fail tremendously. What a heart sad day. Makes me question everything I have done raising my children over the years. What happens to turn from the years of joy to all this turmoil. Raising children is the absolutely hands down hardest job in the whole world, yes harder than being president of any corporation or even the country. It seems to me in those jobs you can buy your respect, but as a parent you have to earn every darn bit of it from your children. I always felt like I put 150% into raising these amazing children I have, but days like today I just feel sad and I know my husband must feel the same, it is pure defeat, that is all I can call it. My witty joyful self just retreats in defeat. I miss her when she goes away, more I miss what I dream for my family. I know the things I could have done differently but overall our children our blessed, they want for nothing and I don't mean materially (as I am sure they would say they lack in the material items department, though I beg to differ), we love them tremendously and show them by actually spending time with them, being a part of their lives and showing interest in them.

Today I just feel sad for them, they don't get it, they don't get all that we offer them and they don't see the gift in each other, they are blind in their hearts.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Trying new things

I spend a good part of my day willing my children to try new things. I have over the years tried many news things, but never venture too far outside my comfort zone. I love our book business but I kind of always keep in just so, enough books to sell but not so many that I might lose control, but alas what that creates is a business that is stagnent. So over this last week and a half I have been really working at growing my business and learning new ways to do so. I am excited to watch it grow and seem to be working at it with a passion, finally.

I have taken even more strides, I have been watching this website where you can apply to be a writer for them, I have always loved to write, but most of my writing is personal I never shared it, well until I began blogging but that too is very new. So finally I submitted an application with a sample of my work, at first I was scared because all of a sudden nothing would come to my mind to write about, well I finally left the computer went about my day and sure enough as usual while I was driving in the car my story came to me, this is so typical of me to think of what I want to write while I am driving, this wouldn't be a problem except usually by the time I get home my story has left my mind. So this time, because I knew it was important and I had a pad of paper, I began writing it at each stoplight I hit. I was very pleased with the outcome. So I submitted my application and now we will wait and see. I am good with that because finally I took another step outside my comfortable little box.

And on another big note, I applied for a part-time job, I haven't worked outside the home since Nolan was 15 months old. This is right up my alley, involves coffee (aaahhh life it good) and much more, so that is all I will say for now, but again I am so excited that I took that step. I want my children to see you can try lots of things and be good at them.

Oh so much more I want to share on what I would like for my children and you will be surprised as it does not even remotely involve the "American Dream", as to me that is more of a nightmare and I would never want my children to feel stuck. Anyway I will share more on that later.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Learning from my children

Well yes I am back and ready to write again, seems I just needed to breath for a bit. It has been an amazing time, we did so many new things the last few months, the kids thoroughly enjoyed skiing/snowboarding and guess what I went skiing with them, it has been 20 years, it felt fantastic! I am so glad I joined in the fun.

Well, I realize over the years I seem to often tell the children, try something new, pursue that interest, apply yourself, you know all that stuff. Yea well I am great at telling others what to do but when it comes to me, I don't always follow my own advice. We are experiencing some changes in life and I am really taking on the challenge of growing our books business, for a long time I talked about doing it but this past week I actually started doing it. I am getting this sense of accomplishment, what a great feeling. I absolutely love our book business, I love everything about it, books make me smile they always have. I love when a new one looks brand new and then coming across a vintage books makes me smile. I love getting letters from a customer because they are happy they found that treasure they remembered from childhood or because they found the one book they really wanted for their collection. So I am finally treating my business like a real business, I mean was before, I do all the tax stuff (yuck) and am always professional, but I just kind of let it grow in teenie tiny baby steps. The last week I have finally been taking big huge giant steps, what a great feeling.

So I am very excited to see what Audrey Rose Books can grow into. My dream is a brick and mortar someday, right on our own little piece of land :) Yes a girl can dream, and work at making those dreams come true.

I plan to pop in here this weekend and write about another tidbit, or rather big step I took. I just want to relish it a bit, is relish the right word, I think that goes on hot dogs right? I love relish on my hot dogs.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Happy New Year....

Well, I took a bit of time off, more that I just ran out of time to blog and didn't get here. I am going to try to set a bit of time aside each couple of days to come here and chit chat. I am very excited for a New year, each year always brings a new adventure. Last year in 2008, of course part of my adventure was watching my children grow another year older, that is always hard, but we shared a fantastic year together, we went to Disney World, that was Daniel and Samantha's first time and for Nolan and Aaron, they had not been in 10 years, we went with friends which made the trip even more fun, we went to Great Wolf Lodge so the older boys could go to prom, we spent various summer days at the lake, river and other assorted places, we made some new friends and shared assorted holidays together, the children were in a Christmas Pageant which was so much fun, Dave and I really enjoyed watching all of the children perform, what a fun group. We rang in the New Year with Dave's sister and family which was a blast.
This year holds lots of fun in store as well, we will begin by learning to ski/snowboard next week, should be lots of fun. Plus I am working at getting a bit more organized and back to caring for my family, we baked a lot during the holidays but no bread or normal year round goodies I like to have so it is back to basics for me, but this time I am involving the children, we have decided our children need to get informed about homesteading, and all that goes along with it, I have been waiting for my farm, but how silly not to use our skills and share them with the children, and learn what we don't know. So I am planning my much larger garden for this year and collecting goods to can, make our own yogurt (yummy, my favorite), I made lots of granola for gifts this year but completely forgot to make us some too, that is on the sheet for this week.
Anyway as I begin my routine I will post some of what we accomplish on here, it makes me feel some what accountable and I do love to share.
See you soon.